Your morning commute is bad enough as it is: groggy-eyed, gridlock traffic, and a full day of work looming above you like your dickhead boss likes to do. But for some reason, today, the bumper-to-bumper pace of cars seems particularly…slow.
You crane your head out the window, strain your eyes into the horizon of automotive metal, and—WHAT THE FUCK!!? Just poking above the rows of cars, lined up side-by-side, are…people—standing—blocking traffic to a complete stand-still.
Morning Commuter, Meet #BlackLivesMatter:
Nothing epitomizes the irony of the modern American “activist/protester” like the juxtaposition between these privileged college kids “fighting for justice” and the hard-working adults busting their asses trying to get to work to feed their kids.
Years of being pampered and spoiled by their parents have taught these idealistic morons 2 things: 1) that they’re invincible, and 2) that the world revolves around them.
This level of self-centered narcissism masquerading as “altruistic” concern for #BlackLives or #MikeBrown or whatever dumb-fuckin-hashtag is created next to give these purposeless youths some kind of direction—these pitiful shitheads claim to be considerate of others while engaging in the most inconsiderate, obnoxious, fly-buzzing-in-your-ear-annoying behavior you could imagine.
And as is typical with so many from the Millennial generation, there’s this bizarre impenetrable buffer-zone between their complete detachment from reality and their inability to handle criticisms—where a lifetime of being shielded from the real world by mommy and daddy makes them fragile little ticking time bombs who, if ever told the truth, would explode into thousands of pieces of idealistic naivety.
And nothing better exemplifies the sweet irony of these highway-terrorists (that’s right: highway-terrorists) than when Tyree Landrum became a victim (that’s right: victim) of these delusional and dangerous protesters.
It was another day of work for Tyree, a middle-aged black man from California who was driving to his job at Ross. But along the way, he found himself at a complete stand-still as a group of protesters lined up across the highway and blocked traffic.
They were with #BlackLivesMatter, a cult of black supremacists who pretend to be victims of some obscure, mostly non-existent thing they call “white supremacy” in order to covertly push their racist agenda. But Tyree Landrum wasn’t having it.
In a courageous act that likely got him labeled a “coon” or “Uncle Tom” by his more ignorant counterparts, Tyree stepped out of his car, rushed up to the protesters, and got all up in their faces.
“I got to go to [work] right now, homie,” came Tyree’s agitated voice, directed straight at the faces of what were likely naive college students. “If I don’t get there, I’m going to get fired. I’ve got six fucking kids to feed, homie…motherfuckers get shot every fucking day. Deal with it the right way, not like this.”
Unsurprisingly, Tyree’s forceful pleas were met with pretty much nothing more than looks of bewilderment from the protesters who, in a semi-delusional haze, simply stared at him as if his words were valid, yet did not matter—the hallmark of privileged Millennial “activists” (“Sure, what you said is true, but what about my feelings?”)
And so it is with great urgency that I coin a new term in this age of delusionally-dangerous liberal “activism”: “Highway-Terrorists.”
“a delusional individual who shuts down highways or other critical transportation infrastructure to promote a dubious and/or fallacious cause that results in the endangerment of innocent people.”
Now, upon first look, using the word “terrorist” to describe these naive college students/activists may seem extreme, but a closer examination reveals the inherent, widespread danger these highway protests pose to thousands—even tens of thousands—of innocent people.
The Dangers of Highway-Terrorism
We need only look at the aforementioned case of Tyree Landrum to realize the vast economic damage that highway-terrorists can inflict upon local communities.
“I gotta go to Ross…If I don’t get there, I’m gonna get fired! I got six fucking kids to feed!” Tyree’s words should be a clear signal to everyone: highway terrorism disrupts the economy, and can even lead to starving children.
The fact that these #BlackLivesMatter protesters would deliberately shut down traffic and cripple Tyree’s capacity to feed his black kids is a case of irony you’d be hard-pressed to match.
2. Disrupting Paramedic/Firefighter Rescue Efforts
Highways are designed to ensure the flow of traffic at higher speeds than regular streets, which is one reason paramedics and firefighters will often utilize these routes when responding to emergencies.
However, when highway-terrorists block freeways, ambulances are faced with an unnecessary life or death delay. In the world of EMTs and rescue operations, every second counts.
Take it from California Fire Department Chief Catherine Capriles who, in response to the problem of traffic congestion, said “Thirty seconds is very critical when you’re talking about the ‘golden minute’ for a heart attack, for a fire.”
A Fire Chief from North Towanda, Terry Sheets, said, “I think every fire department in the country is taxed because of [the need for] manpower and the [delayed] response time because of the traffic.”
In other words, highway-terrorists are literally working to ensure that paramedics and fire rescue crews fail in responding to emergency situations in a timely manner. It is not a stretch to conclude that such delays can be directly linked to a higher number of innocent deaths.
3. Women Giving Birth
It is not uncommon for women to go through labor—or straight-up give birth—while in a car and being driven (or driving) to the hospital.
When the rate of contractions rises, and that water finally breaks, sometimes being driven off to the hospital by your husband is the only option.
This was the case with one Houston couple who filmed the entire experience:
But imagine if the baby had been born, in the car, with a severe condition that required immediate medical attention. It is also not too uncommon for infants to leave the womb with the umbilical cord wrapped around their neck, restricting their capacity to breathe (birth asphyxia).
Now imagine that, while rushing to the hospital to save the baby’s life, a massive traffic jam caused by highway-terrorists restricts their capacity to make it on time, resulting in the death of the newborn? This is an entirely plausible scenario, further demonstrating how unnecessarily shutting down highways is a dangerous act of terrorism that can easily contribute to the deaths of innocent people.
In fact, standing alongside Tyree that fateful afternoon on the California highway was a woman in medical scrubs who was shouting, “Arrest them! We have doctors and nurses that have to save lives here!” Good point: how many drivers were delayed from a critical job like doctor or nurse by these highway-terrorists?
The Case For Running Over Highway-Terrorists
And so we come to it: the big question: are innocent motorists morally justified in running over highway-terrorists?
Fundamentally, the justification for such an act comes down to the simple principle of self-defense: when you are being aggressed against by violent, barbaric people who may very well take your life or that of another person, are you justified in fighting back?
Well, unless you like victim-blaming, the answer should be an obvious “yes”.
So, we’ve established that you have a right to defend yourself against aggressors, now the next question is: are highway-terrorists “aggressors”?
Well, the three aforementioned points describing how deliberately delaying traffic can lead to injuries/loss of life for countless innocent people should answer the question: OF COURSE highway-terrorists are aggressors: they are deliberately choosing to engage in behavior that can lead to innocent lives being lost or harmed. Do not let the big posters and synchronized chants for “justice” distract you from the vicious, underlying reality: these people are terrorists who orchestrate elaborate, coordinated, premeditated strikes that have quite a high chance of injuring or killing innocent people.
So let’s follow the logic: you have a right to defend yourself against aggressors. Highway-terrorists are aggressors. Thus, you have a right to defend yourself against highway-terrorists.
But now, what exactly constitutes “self-defense” in this case? The most obvious suggestion would be putting the pedal to the metal and plowing your 2-ton vehicle right into the dead center of those naive (yet dangerous) “activists”, shattering their idealistic (yet dangerous) fantasies in the span of a few tire revolutions.
Now, this of course is a very EXTREME thing to do, something which would only be justified in the most EXTREME situations. You need to use discretion: the degree to which you exert self-defense should, to a degree, be proportional to the aggression inflicted upon you by a highway-terrorist. I don’t believe doing what you saw in the above GIF is pretty much ever justified, unless, for example, you’re a pregnant woman who gave birth in your car and your baby needs immediate medical attention in order to survive. Now, if you’re thinking, “but how is it justified to run over and potentially kill 5 highway-terrorists just to save 1 newborn life?” Well, this is what I call the “self-defense inflation tax.” It basically means that, when defending yourself, you are justified in inflicting approximately 3 times as much damage as the initial aggression inflicted upon you. These are just added costs for being the one who started it, and it’s completely sensible.
So yes, in the most extreme situations, like trying to get your newborn to the hospital, I believe plowing through highway-terrorists is completely justified.
But how about more mundane cases, like when the greatest threat you’re facing is being late to work? Well, as I said: it’s all about discretion. Let the severity of the situation determine the severity of your self-defense. Being late to work, as we documented in the case of Tyree Landrum, can potentially result in the deaths of innocent people (i.e. Tyree loses his job at Ross, becomes unemployed, slips into poverty, and his children starve to death). However, because the causality of the potential deaths is so distant, being late to work should not be a justification for running over protesters.
For Tyree Landrum, it was enough to justify screaming into their faces and even shoving one, but ultimately he never felt justified in smashing them to road kill.
However, using one’s vehicle as a mobile battering ram does have its own degrees of discretion. In fact, you can technically “plow” through highway-terrorists without inflicting too much damage, as can be seen here:
— Cassandra Fairbanks (@CassandraRules) August 10, 2015
This fair, moderate display of self-defense seemed proportional to the victim’s degree of urgency. He or she probably wasn’t giving birth, or having a heart attack. Instead, they were probably just on their lunch break and trying to make it to McDonald’s before time was up. There are many ways to skin a cat, and many ways to deal with highway-terrorists.
In all, I conclude that, at the least, every single motorist is morally justified in slowly driving their cars forward—first as a warning to highway-terrorists, then gradually increasing the speed, gently nudging them out of the way.
If any of the more extremist ones choose to increase their aggression by hanging on to the car, punching your window, or kicking your door, you are thus now justified in increasing your self-defense, maybe with some more speed, or a sudden swerve to shake off the moron hanging on to your side-view mirror.
Ultimately, dealing with highway-terrorists is a very serious matter, one which requires your discretion based on your personal situation. There is no one-size-fits-all approach. Happy Travels!